Dear Country Estate Owners: I am currently looking for a well-appointed garden shed or cave for hermetic possibilities on your property. I require very little upkeep as I am partial to voles. I am suitably apoplectic, adequately eccentric, and erudite in my mutterings. I philosophise. Let me be your living lawn ornament. I can be reached at… [...]
Archive for the ‘Adverts’ Category
Classifieds Advert/Situations Wanted: Victorian Hermit
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on September 15, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
ADVERT: Every child yearns, surely…
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on February 6, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
The have and have nots. The possessors and the non-possessing ones.Every little girl wishes to possess a dollie of her very own. Only to find that receiving one brings further disappointment. Lowry’s Middling Doll Makers. Guaranteed to disenchant.
ADVERT: Spirited Away By Spiritualists
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, Victorian Adverts on October 27, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Nothing brings about a feeling of uncertainty and uncalmness than a visit from Death. Do you not agree? A way to keep death’s diaphanous grip at bay is to eat healthy and fibrous bacon. This is a known fact. Most dietary physicians or “Supper Doctors” are versed in the nutrient composites seen in foodstuff. Most [...]
ADVERT: Be Reasonable, Dear Lady!
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on September 7, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Dearest Ladies, so much that weakens you must be put to right! Do you not require a respite from ails that ail you? Reprieve awaits you with the finest surgeon this land has to offer. Your spirits will lift, your hysteria will be quelled, and your life will be without the complex dramatics of a [...]
ADVERT: Restore Your Powers, Sir!
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on July 22, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
To revive oneself and present a quality of life unknown to desperate and unworthy souls, one must imbibe, apply, and immerse in the astounding curative powers of… MERCURY A perfectly safe and cautious cure for the daily ailments that ail you such as: liver complaint, pain in the head, bile, piles, inveterate corruption of the [...]
Another sponsor? Shilling?
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on June 9, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Jack Stark’s AMBIGUOUS TRANSGENDERY NIGHTTIME BOY-DRESS “Mirror, mirror on the wall — please tell me what gender I am.” Treat your little gentleman to his very own Ambiguous Transgendery Nighttime Boy-Dress for a bedtime of sweet dreams that may unburden your tiny son and heir of his confusion and unending questions concerning identity. Jack Stark [...]
Classifieds Advert / PROPERTY TO LET: My Beard
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on May 25, 2010 | 2 Comments »
My name is Josephus Buford and my capacious beard is available to let. It is a well-appointed beard with space abundant enough for a fine family of social standing and good breeding. Within my beard are included such better-quality furnishings as a walnut burl library desk table, two Belter rosewood chairs, a colonial cherry breakfront [...]
A sponsor shills yet again …
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on May 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
LADIES, WHY NOT TRANSFORM? from this … to this … Testimonials of FAINTING DAINTIES EMOLLIENT are thus: “We have always wanted to be ladylike and of the petite way. Our large hands, malevolent scowls, and love of raw beef have kept us away from the prospect of gentlemen callers. But with Fainting Dainties Emollient applied to the [...]
A new word from our new sponsor …
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on April 21, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
AVOID DOMESTIC HORRORS! This man had lived alone. Unseen and unheard by his village neighbours for many a day. Not a single cry or gasp known to anyone as he lay dying. And then the stench came. Policemen had arrived to find his face, his nose, his ears devoured completely by his hungry cats. Domestic [...]
Yet another sponsor shills …
Posted in Adverts, tagged The Good Ear Review, victorian advertisements on March 9, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Exude manliness, potency, and verve by using … Mr. Mordecai Winthrop’s MUTTON CHOPS ENLARGEMENT TONIC Convince yourself and others of your corpulent strength and command. Undersized whiskers need never be an embarrassment in the parlour or on the battlefield. Amplification! Expansion! Substantiality matters, Sir!
We are now accepting monologue submissions
Dramatists—do not canter but rather gallop to your computery micro-chipped typewriters and create an arresting monologue. Polish it, spit on it, and submit it to The Good Ear Review for our consideration. Click here for submission guidelines.Tristram Stjohn Bexindale-Webb, editor-in-chief
"I am the best judge of all things." Which is why Mr. Bexindale-Webb (knighthood pending) had appointed himself the review's Editor-in-Chief – and has been thus for the past 147 years. He is the brainchild behind The Good Ear Review and without him many urchins would be acquiring their Chimney Maintenance Certification instead of fetching his house slippers and proofing complex sentences.Pages
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