To revive oneself and present a quality of life unknown to desperate and unworthy souls, one must imbibe, apply, and immerse in the astounding curative powers of…

MERCURY

A perfectly safe and cautious cure for the daily ailments that ail you such as:

liver complaint, pain in the head, bile, piles, inveterate corruption of the blood, lumbago, chilblains, neuralgia, dropsy, unhappyness, fecal stagnation, dyspepsia, gonorrhea and gleet, whooping coughs, rheumatismic whoops, hysteria, wombinesstitstitus, tantrumania, fits n’ starts n’ stuff, malaria, “snuff nose” debowelment, and derangement of the organs of the stomach and limbs.

Administered in all and every orifice via
Mr G. W. Gedney’s VACUUM APPARATUS.

Fear not for you shall be cured!
Begin your life anew again once more!